So gear up for me gushing about how smart and adorable my girls are,  how tough mommying twins and working full time is and of course pictures.  Tons and tons of pictures!

Here I am at 20+ weeks.  Which just blows my mind.  I can’t believe it’s been almost 5 months.  Everything thus far is going great.  No morning sickness to speak of which I am so grateful for.  Beyond a bout with some back pain and little aches and pains here and there I consider myself very lucky.

Seeing my little babies this past week on the ultrasound was amazing.  Of course I have little worries in the back of my mind whether they’ll find any complications, etc.  But every time the tech would look at each of them and say the word “perfect” all the worries went away.  The 20 weeks ultrasound was long.  About and hour.  They first started started with Baby A.  Oh way back when we were at our first appointment they label the babies.  Baby A is the one that would be the first to come down the chute so to speak.  Baby A was rockin out…like she always has been.  Jumping, flailing, squirming.  She was active.  After the profile they went to check out the goods.  Now going into the appointment if you asked me point blank what I thought they were I would say two girls.  Just in the past few weeks I’ve been getting the 2 girl vibe.  No idea why.  So the tech made her way down and focused in.  My perspective to the screen is way different that hers and Jason’s and sometimes it takes me a while to figure out exactly what we are looking at not to mention I had no idea of what we were looking for.  I just remember seeing the outline of the little frog legs and the tech saying “We have a little girl”.  I got teary.

Then they went up to Baby B.  What a change.  The little one was just laying there all calm.  Long and stretched out.  We saw her profile and while we were looking she took her thumb and headed right for her mouth…already.  That is crazy!  The tech made her way to the goods and with a bit of prodding focused in.  “We have another girl!”  More teary.  Now honestly they could have said anything and I would have been completely happy.  I looked over at Jas and he had a look of shock.  First of all he had very little sleep the night before since he has been battling allergies.  Poor guy.  Then I think the whole looking at the babies always amazes him.  He is so caught up in the whole pregnancy and loves the science behind it.  Which I love how involved and interested he is.  The tech went through and measured each baby.  I had to take a couple of breaks and a few times we had to prod the girls more to get them in the right positions to take the measurements.  Everything looked great.  They both weigh in at about 12 ounces each and Baby A is measuring right on 20 weeks and Baby B is about 3 days behind.  Both great.  Heartbeats are great too…I love hearing them.

So there you have it.  Two healthy, happy and beautiful girls!  My blood pressure is down and right where they want it to be.  My back pain has gone away and I feel good.  I feel bigger each day and I’m trying not to get caught up in that.  Basically I’m just trying to take everything a little pit at a time, day by day.

I’ll have Jas put up some of the past ultrasounds and the new ones.  I hope to checkin for 21 weeks here shortly.

Thank you everyone for all the support and well wishes.  We consider ourselves very grateful, lucky and blessed.

I woke up this morning and as I laid in bed I had a sort of a vision. I think it’s going to be 2 girls. I don’t know why, but that’s what flashed in my head.

Unfortunately, all of a sudden I had a wave of the clichéd male desire to have a son. In the span of about 6 seconds, my brain flashed through everything that I would be disappointed in if there wasn’t a boy in there. I guess I’ve always just assumed that there would be a boy at some point, but it dawns on me now that this is the first, last, and only shot to have that happen. We’re not having more kids after this. This is it.

That’s not to say I wouldn’t love 2 girls or anything, but still.

I have the distinct impression that I won’t be getting much work done today.

By the way, this is your last chance to get in on the contest: http://jasonhaberman.com/2010/07/13/wits-and-wagers-twin-style/

The couple had tried for months.

They knew they wanted to create a legacy.  Something to follow them in this world.  Someone to impart their vast knowledge to.  Thus, the plan to create another being  was implemented.  They tried everything they could think of, but nothing seemed to work.  Apparently, some evil force was onto their plan and had foiled them each step of the way.  It was clear that they needed help even getting their goal off the ground.

That was, until one fateful April day.  Word came in that efforts were indeed successful and their name would continue.  Huzzah!  There was much celebration that day.

Little did they know just what was in store.

Just three weeks later, upon the first viewing of the newly formed being growing in its veritable cocoon, they got the shock of their lives.

“Well, there’s one little fluttering heartbeat…” the technician said to the beaming couple while twisting the scope, “… aaaaaand theres another little fluttering heartbeat!”

It was that exact moment when the full force of the news hit them.  And it hit hard…

…Twins.

Yes, it’s true.  Jess and I are pregnant in a BIG ol’ way.  And yes, the news was quite a shock that probably STILL hasn’t worn off yet.  We first got the news we were pregnant on April 13th.  Followed by the bigger (literally and figuratively) news on May 4th.  Let me get to some specifics you are all going to be interested in:

Due Date: December 21st
They are currently 4cm long and chugging along at an ideal 163 beats per minute. At today’s ultrasound, they were both wiggling around doing what appeared to be either kung-fu or synchronized swimming.  I’m wondering what happens in a couple months when space becomes a premium in there and they are throwing their own version of a steel-cage match on each other or working Jess’s bladder as a speed bag. I guess we’ll see.

They each have their own placenta which is a good thing in a multiple situation.  I suppose they’ll have to learn to share later. We’re 9 weeks away from sexing these little munchkins, but  basic math tells us that there is a 25% chance both boys or both girls and a 50% chance of one of each. Jess is doing excellently.  No morning sickness at all.  Just tired and thirsty.  All systems are go.

And to our Moms… both of you… feel free to spread the word.  We know you have been absolutely chomping at the bit to tell people so now is your chance.  Go crazy.

I saw this a few days ago online and am going to pretend like I made it for our announcement too: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Snp3rHDHwPg Just change those names to Jason and Jessica in your head…

So, let’s make with some excitement people.  Something has to distract us from the mountain of diapers and simultaneous college funds I can’t seem to shake from my head…

We just got back from the first ultrasound and what did we see?  Yes, two fluttering little heartbeats.  Two egg sacs.  Two little embryos.  Whoa…

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t shocked.  Maybe a bit dismayed. Daunted, perhaps.  Woo boy…

Plus side, we wanted two and now we’re done.  We only have to go though this whole thing once.  We don’t have to store baby clothes and toys for future kids.  We also have two full sets of families who live in town so the help will be vital.  Not to mention, close friends of ours just had twins a couple years ago. I’m sure they will be quite helpful with advice and ideas.  Whew….

Down side?  TWO… OF… EVERYTHING…

I’m sorry I’m still wrapping my brain around this.  I’m not sure how productive I will be at work for the rest of the day, which is tough because we are off to Pittsburgh tomorrow and I have a lot to get done.  Wow…

Upon my return to the office, 3 separate people asked the friendly “what’s goin on?” or “how’s it goin?”.  Since we’re not telling people yet, I of course answered with the standard “nothing much” as my brain was screaming at me “LIAR!”  We pretty much have the total opposite of “nothing much” going on right now.  Holy shit…

Strap in kids… it will be one hell of a ride.

Like Jess said, we’re knocked up again.  We’ve both agreed that it has felt different this time.  She was apprehensive because she didn’t want what happened last time to happen this time.  But I think this one is the real deal.  We are at week 5 today.  Her HGC levels were really high, about 3x what they were the first time. A very good sign.

My only hang up at this point is we haven’t had an ultrasound yet.  I haven’t laid eyes on it, so at this point I’m basically taking everyone’s word for it.  Once I see it, then it is the real deal. That’ll happen May 4th.

The funny thing is that Jess is already having strange pregnancy symptoms.  Like tasting metallic aftertastes when eating which is apparently a symptom of a lot of estrogen.  No morning sickness yet though, so that’s a good thing.  She has given up all the good stuff you’re supposed to when you’re pregnant.  No more alcohol.  No more caffeine, which is probably the bigger sacrifice at this point.  Anyone who has seen her in the morning before her coffee will attest that she NEEDS caffeine.  But, we switched to decaf and are plugging ahead.  All things being considered, she is doing tremendously well.  Fatigue and all.

I also instituted a program to make her abstaining from alcohol a bit more palatable, but that is another post.

Thus begins the great adventure.  Strap in and stay tuned!

From the beginning of this time around I’ve been hesitant.  Not that I didn’t want to do it but I just didn’t “feel” it.  Then we had the ultra sound to check and see if we had any ripe folicles.  Well we did and I didn’t need a trigger shot for the folicles to release the eggs.  Which was great!  But hold on folks…this was all on my left side.  The side they thought the tube would be blocked.  The nurse stopped and had the doctor review it.  She wanted to let us know there was a 4% chance that we would get pregnant because it was on the left “possibly blocked” side.  She said that if we wanted to we could go forward with the insemination tomorrow and cross our fingers or just try “naturally” and if we had to wait for another round.  I wanted to give it a shot.  I knew that I didn’t come all this far to chose to stop.  So we said let’s go for it!

March 30th was our insemination.  Yes, if all works out I will know the exact date of conception of my baby and I’m okay with that   Everything went according to plan.  No crappy Christmas music this time.  Jas was playing me some good tunes on the iphone !  And then comes the wait.  2 weeks after is when you can have a blood test taken to measure your HCG levels.  Working up to that date I still didn’t “feel” it.  Nothing felt the same as last time and I felt good.  Mentally I prepared myself for a negative result.  I had to especially with that 4% number hanging around.  All I could do was keep calm.

I went in on April 13th to have my blood drawn.  The office was running behind and it was just adding to my “off” feeling.  Finally I was up.  They took me back and went for the usual arm.  No luck.  She turned the needle around for what seemed like 5 minutes…ugh.  I finally said she could try the other arm if she’d like.  She went in to the other arm again searching around…and finally found a vein.  Now the big wait.  Luckily it was super busy at work so I really didn’t need much of a distraction beyond work.  Usually they call between 11 and 12.  I kept looking at my phone…nothing.  I was thinking if they didn’t  call by 2 I would call them so we don’t have a repeat of last time.  Finally my phone rang.  It was the nurse and she didn’t sound upbeat at all.  Then she said “We got a positive”…  What?  What?  I think that is exactly what I said.  I just could not believe it.  Then I said “Wait…what are the number?”  She said 147…whew!  Last time 2 weeks after conception I was only at 53 which cause concern.  This time everything. look. good.  And I could breathe!  I called Jason right after.  I think I could hear him exhaling too.  I loved that call.  It’s what we needed…

So I am 4 weeks and 3 days along today.  I feel great.  I gave up coffee on that was hard on me for the first day.  Now besides getting a bit sleepy, it’s all so different than last time.  Which is promising to me.  I’m trying to just stay in the now.  It’s hard at this point not to get ahead of myself but I am centered…and now I can “feel” it.  I know that no one is reading this right now but when you do…thank you.  Thank you for all your kind words you said to us, your positive thoughts and most of all your prayers.  It’s what got me to come full circle and put us in a better place.

Our 7 week ultrasound is scheduled for May 4th.  Until then I’m just going to enjoy where we are and breathe 

“Everyday holds the possibility of a miracle” Elizabeth David

We’ve come to one conclusion which is best summed up by the immortal words of Han Solo:

“Never tell me the odds!”
- In response to C-3PO telling him the odds of surviving an asteroid field

Well, we’ve decided that we don’t want to hear them any more.  They just add worry and more crap to think about.  In the long run, we have 3 possible outcomes here.  Either a.) we don’t have good follicles and we don’t try to inseminate, b.) we get the insemination go-ahead but it doesn’t happen or c.) we achieve liftoff and get pregnant.

As such, we’ve just set our own odds at 33% for each.  If only to save our minds.  For the record, no… neither of us were math majors.

So, thank you Han Solo.  Thank you for voicing what we were both thinking.

And, as long as we’re keeping the Empire Strikes Back theme, the egg would be the large asteroid.  The sperm would obviously be the Millennium Falcon and the asteroids and TIE-fighters are what are keeping us from getting pregnant.  Which… um… I suppose makes the eventual baby the massive space slug that comes out of the asteroid… yeah… let’s just end this analogy now.

So they’ve extended my follicle stimulating hormone (fsh) shots for 3 more days.  We go back in on Monday for an ultrasound and hopefully there will be some big beautiful follicles just waiting to be triggered.  I think I’ve lost it.  Or maybe there won’t be anything and life still goes on.  What’s another month in the grand scheme of things???  We will get there.

Dave Matthews Band : You & Me

Wanna pack your bags, Something small
Take what you need and we disappear
Without a trace we’ll be gone, gone
The moon and the stars can follow the car
and then when we get to the ocean
We gonna take a boat to the end of the world
All the way to the end of the world

Oh, and when the kids are old enough
We’re gonna teach them to fly

You and me together, we could do anything, Baby
You and me together yes, yes (x2)

You and I, we’re not tied to the ground
Not falling but rising like rolling around
Eyes closed above the rooftops
Eyes closed, we’re gonna spin through the stars
Our arms wide as the sky
We gonna ride the blue all the way to the end of the world
To the end of the world

Oh, and when the kids are old enough
We’re gonna teach them to fly

You and me together, we could do anything, Baby
You and me together yes, yes

We can always look back at what we did
All these memories of you and me baby
But right now it’s you and me forever girl
And you know we could do better than anything that we did
You know that you and me, we could do anything

You and me together, we could do anything, Baby
You and me together yeah, yeah
Two of us together, we could do anything, baby
You and me together yeah, yeah
Two of us together yeah, yeah
Two of us together, we could do anything, baby

Day one started on Tuesday and I’m ready!  Day 2 we went in for a baseline ultrasound and everything looks great!  The tech (who was all sorts of wacky hilarious) said “she couldn’t have seen a better ultrasound” and she explained all the parts and what was going on.  Perhaps this happened with round one and my brain was too jumbled to remember but I appreciated it this time.  I feel good and I’m trying to stay active for both physical and mental reasons.  I’m taking each day and each step on it’s own.  Not thinking about all the steps in the process and all the hurdles we have to jump.  I’m in the now. I’m not thinking or comparing others to me.  This is my journey and it will make it that much more special in the end.  I’m mentally centering myself and finding some inner peace.  It feels good to be back on track and back in the ring!

Here’s a song that I find stuck in my head

Haven’t Met You Yet – Michael Buble

I’m not surprised,
Not everything lasts,
I’ve broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track.
Talk myself in,
I talk myself out,
I get all worked up,
Then I let myself down,

I tried so very hard not to lose it;
I came up with a million excuses,
I thought I thought of every possibility,

And I know some day that it’ll all turn out,
You’ll make me work so we can work to work it out,
And I promise you kid that I give so much more than I get~ mmm…….
I just haven’t met you yet.

Mmmmm ….

I might have to wait,
I’ll never give up,
I guess it’s half timin’, and the other half’s luck,
Wherever you are,
Whenever it’s right,
You’ll come outta nowhere and into my life.

And I know that we can be so amazin’,
And BABY your love is gonna change me,
And now I can see every possibility, mmmmmm….

Somehow I know that it’ll all turn out,
You’ll make me work so we can work to work it out,
And promise you kid, I’ll give so much more than I get, mmmm….
I just haven’t met you yet.

They say all’s fair
in love and war
But I won’t need to fight it,
we’ll get it right an’,
we’ll be united

and I know that we can be so amazin’,
And bein’ in your life is gonna change me,
And now I can see every single possibility, mmmmmm

And someday I know it’ll all turn out,
And I’ll work to work it out,
Promise you kid I’ll give more than I get
Than I get, than I get, than I get.

Oh, you know it’ll all turn out,
and you’ll make me work so we can work to work it out,
And promise you kid to give so much more than I get, yeah
I just haven’t met you yet.

I just haven’t met you yet,
Oh, promise you kid,
To give so much more than I get.

I said love love love love love love love…..
I just haven’t met you yet
Love love love …..
So doy day ay ay ay, ay ay yeah
I just haven’t met you yet!